I recently had to deal with an issue that I found myself questioning whether I should stand up for myself or not. I brought up a situation I was unhappy with and instead of a line of communication resulting in better understanding, I felt like I needed to defend myself, prove myself, share the laundry list of items that were viewed incorrectly…. because my unhappiness was uncalled for and inaccurate.
Since when can another person tell us our perception of feelings are wrong? We might be incorrect in our assumptions or facts – stand up and claim responsibility for those errors. But we shouldn't let someone else make us question what we know is right or wrong. No matter how much we want to make others happy, our own happiness comes first. How we handle what we do with our perspective is the key. How we treat others in the process is the important factor.
My initial thought was to write a “how dare you…”, “you have no idea what you are are saying…”, “such ignorance” — but I didn't. Of course I didn't, since when do I talk to people like that (Dave, don't answer). I wanted to list off all the reasons the finger pointing was incorrect, show where the accusations and misconceptions were wrong. I wanted to correct the situation. Then I stopped myself. Why I am defending myself when I'm the one taking the time to communicate something that bothers me in the first place? Why am I the one trying to show I'm ok?
Why do we do that? Do we really need people to like us that much? Yes, yes I do… but no, really, not everyone needs to like me. It's unfortunate if they don't, I occasionally send treats and hugs and things to people I call friends. Not everyone is going to see things as I do – as bossy as I can be, I'm still ok with that.
What I'm not ok with is when people don't treat each other with respect and listen to each other. There's going to be misunderstandings, quirks in communication and differences in perspectives. If there weren't we might as well all be clones or robots with a single master mind – remember the “Collective” replicators in Stargate? Because there are so many different points of view, I think we can become better people if we step out of our own bubbles and maybe (to use a cliche), step into someone else's shoes before we snip or get frustrated or give up on someone else. You never know where they are or where they are coming from… you can only stand your own ground and live your life holding on to your integrity.
How did my situation turn out? I didn't share the laundry list, I prevented myself from proving I'm ok. I apologized for any of my own errors and explain my meaning for things thought to be accusations. I left out any proof of what I've accomplished. I put my view out on the table and left it at that. I figured, if they really don't know what I've accomplished and what kind of person I am, I don't want to be in this conversation anymore anyway. I feel better for it – The end.