I just shared a comment I heard about things not being fair with my husband. In a matter of milliseconds, he went from my goofy dorky boy toy to a really pissy He-man with a fist ready to punch a wall – Kind of muscle-man meets sailor mouth. Not really that bad, but in Looney Toons for grown ups that's what I envisioned. I can't repeat what he said, but it did make me giggle to see him all riled up over a single idea. The whole “it's not fair” concept. It's. A. Bad. Perspective, period!
That's not reasonable – now that's a better way to say something. But the whole “fair” thing.. that's not fair. We're not doing anyone any favors to level playing fields. It's more mentally tiring to run on a blah flat surface. How do we teach our kids to strive for what they want, fight to be their best and dream of climbing mountains if we're busy making sure everyone wins all the time no matter what? Instead we should be looking at each other's strengths, cheering each other on and picking each other up when we see someone fall.
The Not Faire Reminds me of the Renaissance Festival we go to every summer. My oldest is a high school baseball pitcher. He always does the tomato throwing activity… a mouthy guy sits behind a wall making fun of the guy with the tomatoes… while the guy with the tomatoes tries to hit the guy in the face sitting behind the wall. The first few years my son mostly missed, or didn't worry the wall guy (same guy every year) and the guy was MOUTHY!! He made my son soooo MAD! This year, my son was a good 6'4″ with a great arm and WOW, he made up for all those years of crappy comments and missing the target. This year he had great aim and a fast tomato. It's not fair the mouthy guy was so rude and it's not fair that my son can throw better now.. but they both signed up to be in that place. It is what it is, they knew it going in. We might not like it, but it doesn't mean it's not fair.
Sometimes people win not because of their skill in the competition, but because of some other skill or talent. That’s not the intended outcome, but it happens… often. I remember a few years ago I made one of my first “professional” craft projects along with a group of others using the same tools. The person with the most votes would win a free tool. To my surprize, I won! I was really proud of my work, proud that I participated regardless of my feeling like I didn't have what it takes to be included… and I gathered all the courage I could to ask my virtual friends to stop by, take a look and vote for me. WOW! I really under-estimated my friends. I gained enough votes for a win that I didn't expect. I felt bad that the “new girl” came in and won when there were so many amazing designs out there, although I was really proud of my creation too. Then, a comment was made that really hurt… it was something to the effect of “it's not fair to have someone come in and win just because they have a good social following.”
What’s that mean? Did my project suck? Did my friends only vote for me because they are my friends? Did my effort contributing to the whole event not count?
I felt horrible. I felt like I had done something wrong. Looking back – that's all crappy. My following voted because I showed off what I did and asked for a vote.. AND they thought I deserved their vote. Every single vote I got was someone that had been following my work for a while.. not just random people I paid 5 bucks to off the street… I didn't bribe them, I didn't bully them… I didn't even expect they would do it. I just wanted to share in the fun.. and even told them to check out everyone's work.
So today, when I heard the comments about fair again it makes me cringe. Nothing is fair. Life isn't fair. Sometimes we earn what we get – good or bad – and sometimes we work really hard and end up earning nothing – if that's how we choose to view it. Every experience, every moment is a lesson we should try to learn from. Work hard, be true to yourself, be honest with others and remember you are your own biggest fan, so act like it!
By the way, my husband is not really my boy toy either.. he's 43
1 thought on “Thoughts on Fair”
Aah… an article after my soul! I too am tired of hearing about ‘fair’ or ‘not fair’ and I wonder what we teach our kids when we make so much ‘fair’… The “its’ not fair” comment always makes me think of whinny kids – imagine making that comment with your boss 🙂 Thanks for sharing – I’ll re-share, it’s a lovely article.