Do you ever have moments of being surrounded by people with similarities to yourself yet not feeling like you belong there? I think sometimes it's a matter of focusing on the similarities, rather than the differences. Yet, it seems like often times the differences stand out.
I run in a variety of different circles. People in all areas, coordinating with the different directions I move. I've always been the girl that hops from group to group, but not tied to a single one. I guess I play well with others… but do I sit still with them for very long? No, not really. It's not for lack of trying. I think sometimes it's because my view is just a little skewed from the rest so for whatever reason there is a disconnect.
As a kid that disconnect used to bother me. I was the girl that knew and was known by everyone, but was usually not remembered on the invitee list. I had friends where ever I went, but rarely did people ask how my day was. I was always there to help, but never asked for it in return…. people don't generally help unless asked. I think I was happy though.
It wasn't a disinterest in including me, it was usually an assumption I wasn't available to be included.
As an adult, I find my group bouncing keeps me thinking and brainstorming and coming up with new ideas for where I want to go, what I want to learn and where I am today. If I'm excluded, it's often times my own busy-ness, not necessarily a lack of being included. SO I wonder now, did I create this distance on purpose or did the past train me to adapt to it? I don't know. I think of trying to fix it and then not sure how or if it needs to be fixed.
The hardest part is being surrounded by fantastic people that I know I love talking to… but at the same time feeling like “this isn't entirely where I belong, now is it”?
Trying to get involved or help or interact or make a difference in so many different places isn't something one person can do successfully. So instead I think I'll resolve to be around when I can, help when I can, and focus where my heart wants to focus instead of always where my head thinks we should be.
So a note to anyone that “sees” me less.. I'm still here, I'm just trying to focus. Say hi and I'll be glad to smile right back.
How important is fitting in to you?