My mom made a comment about how interesting it was to hear such different perspectives on events people experience together. I had been talking about handling something with my kids which was a similar situation to something she had gone through with me. She’s made this comment before, but it just occurred to me today how it fits in with where I am now with my own kids. As a parent I think we can step outside our own individual view and look at things with in own parental view as well as our own “I was a kid once too” view and gain some new insight to grow happier families.

My son and my mom and I'm virtually in the middle

I can see how some things now make sense that my mom tried to teach me growing up. However there are other things I can see but still remember my own teen perspective and now I realize where the two views weren’t working together. I think having this view now, gives me the unique opportunity to build a better relationship with my own kids. We can’t possibly perceive our kid’s perspectives in their entirety, because we aren’t them. On the other hand, we can realize that the way our kids communicate their ideas compared to our own communication direction might be our biggest disagreement. Understanding this concept might prevent a lot of arguments.

Kids don’t have the same experiences or understandings or comprehension of things that we do as adults. How they relate to things is different than ours but not just because they are different people – because they are kids. Their experiences are limited, their knowledge is new, they’re ability to think beyond themselves and their own world is much smaller than ours. Think of you and your kids speaking two variations of English. We each have our understandings of the language, but we don’t necessarily know what the other is saying, as they are meaning to say it.

We are doing to have differences and we might even argue. Hopefully we’ll work things out and come to a better understanding and maybe even respect for the differing views. Most the time I think we come out learning a little more about the other person, their view and their focus on things in life. We don’t have to agree on it all, we just have to work together.

Skewed perspectives and happy families is a post from: 100 Directions

What caption would you put with this photo?

Eye need a good caption

I really love this picture and that really is the real blue of his real eye… cool right?

Here’s my caption… Happy 16th to my first born!

I really can’t believe I have a 6’3″ bouncing baby boy that turned 16 today. Sixteen years ago, I was a single mom, not a clue where I was headed or really how I got to where I was (no smart ass comments there please.) I just knew that my life was going to be different and I was excited. I can’t imagine what life would be life without him. Although there have some loud debates and not to fun wrestling matches, and I’ve said I would trade him for a cat (I’m allergic)…  I wouldn’t trade him for the world and I am so proud of him!

Happy 16th to my first born is a post from: 100 Directions

Don’t answer that question yet…

Thanksgiving night I was playing a game of Catch Phrase with my family. My sister had gotten the word “stubborn” and used me as part of her description for the word. “Jennifer is this…<big grin>”…. WHAT!? This coming from the self-proclaimed “princess” in the family? OH Yes, she did!

I was a little hurt. Sure, I’m bossy. I’m overly analytical. I’m also willing to admit that I’m particular about a lot of things. However, stubborn I am not. I not only budge, I bend probably more often than some may realize.

Stubborn as Defined by dictionary.com:

The definition of Stubborn according to merriam-webster.com:

a (1) : unreasonably or perversely unyielding : mulish (2) : justifiably unyielding : resolute b : suggestive or typical of a strong stubborn nature.

I’m going to go as far to say I am perversely unyielding in the fact that I won’t agree that I’m stubborn. I have a strong nature, but not a stubborn one.

I’m a bit defensive about this, I agree, but not because I’m in denial. I think of stubborn as self centered, pigheaded and inconsiderate. All of which I am far from. I usually want things “my way” not because I need them that way for me, but because I’m a micro manager personality and I need to be able to know whats up from all angles. Unless you can give me a perspective of all angles OR I am confident you are going to handle you portions, I need it done my way. That’s hardly from stubborn.

So now that I’m finished standing my ground – feel free to see if you can persuade me into agreeing.

Some more insight views of why one might think I’m stubborn:

I’m a perfectionist – Ya gotta do it right the first time, or don’t bother doing it.

I’m selective and particular – when it comes to time and money, I like to spend mine very carefully… especially time.

I’m demanding – why settle for mediocre if you are capable of great?

I’m determined – you can’t go very far with wishy-washy.

I’m protective – my kids come first, and if you don’t stand up for yourself who else is going to?

I’m impatient – I need to work on this. I’m so busy trying to keep up with myself, I don’t always allow the time for others to try to get involved.

I’m uptight – I’m constantly trying to make sure things are going right because I’m constantly worried I’m making someone made or someone doesn’t like something I’ve done. It goes back to my being a perfectionist… I’m constantly trying to figure out how to make sure everyone is happy.

I’m an over thinker – I look at everything from 360 degrees, twice. This is a great attribute to have if you want to make a living as a sculptor… anything else and it can become bothersome and even a hindrance in progress.

I’m overly sensitive, maybe even paranoid – again always worried what others think so I’m always trying to make sure everything is just so.

I’m an Aries, in the Chinese zodiac I’m a rat and in numerology, I’m a 1. If you believe in any of these view points, that makes me born bossy, leadership-like, and everything else mentioned above. I don’t like all of it and I can try to fight my own make up… but in the end, I am who I am, and as I get older I’m learning to be proud of whatever that is (that’s the hardest part).

Looking at the list after writing down my thoughts, I think all those strong determined personality traits are why I’ve been able to be successfully self employed for so long. You have to be able to take a punch and still smile yet stand up for yourself when you need to if you’re going to survive in the world of business owners.

There are a lot of things I am.. some better than others, but stubborn I am not.

I am not stubborn, or am I? is a post from: 100 Directions

I recently returned from our first official family vacation. Official as in, on vacation with just my husband and my kids, with no reason to be on a trip other than to spent time with each other. No other family to visit, no appointments, meetings or even conference calls to participate in.

Sounds delightful doesn’t it?

If you said yes, you’ve never been the mom on a family vacation.

It was delightful and I did anticipate the learning curve of experiencing something new as a group. There’s 5 of us in my family so there are 5 personalities, 5 lists of needs/wants and 5 sets of emotions to deal with at any given time. I planned for this, I even prepped the family of the importance of working together and making sure we paid attention to what everyone else needed.

However, I did not plan for how I would react to all of it. So, needless to say, I learned a lot.

Here are the top 10 things I learned while on my family vacation:

1. There is such a thing as too much planning. I had scheduled where we we go each day and what activities we would try to do. I made a point to be flexible, yet I did not leave much room for “doing nothing”. Turned out we needed a few doing-nothing days so we ended up missing out on two activities I was looking forward to… ultimately no one minded but me.
2. Always be realistic. Know your limits on patience, time, traveling, food… everything. Don’t try to over do anything because you think vacation allows for more of anything, it doesn’t and it shouldn’t. If anything, vacation should limit normal limits to even less than usual because the idea is to be stress free.
3. Lay your expectations out in the open. I tend to assume my kids (and husband) know my expectations regardless of where we go or what we do. I expect good behavior, respectful attitudes and generally nice human beings. Turns out that the term “vacation” brings out the lazy maybe inconsiderate or even rude in some people when it comes to how to behave. Once I re-established my expecations for these positive behaviors, the issues went away.
4. Vacations are not marathons. We had so much fun that some times we forgot we needed to stop and take a break, even if only for an hour or so. Inevitably, someone would have a meltdown and the family mood would go sour.
5. Potty trained does not mean pee-resistant. Again, having so much fun, sometimes we’d forget to make sure no one had to go potty… bad thing to forget.
6. Divide your time. We are a family that tends to spend a lot of time together. My husband and I both work from home, so we both see the kids often but we do divide our parental duties so one isn’t doing everything and the kids aren’t constantly with everyone. Making sure to continue this time split proves to be a good idea, especially before the sibling nit-picking got ugly.
7. Think outside your own bubble. Because we each have our own personal agenda for what a vacation is, it’s often difficult to remember anyone else matters on vacation. This was one of our toughest lessons. I found myself angry because no one was thinking about anyone else, everyone was acting like I was supposed to handle and do everything. My getting angry didn’t make for a happy day for anyone, which made me more angry. Again, ugly.
8. It’s not a vacation until you forget you have a job. Usually I bring my laptop on trips and I get some kind of work accomplished. This time I brought my laptop and only used it to check emails briefly and post updates to Facebook. I didn’t worry about work or responsibilities at home because gosh darnit I was on vacation!
9. If you keep your kids up late, they’ll sleep in. A couple nights we were all out until well after 11pm. At home the kids would be up at 7 or 8 no matter when we put them to bed, but somehow the vacation air kept them snoring until 10am or so. THAT is what I call vacation!
10. Be patient and enjoy each other. Regardless of your expectations, intentions, plans, irritations or whatever, the whole point of a vacation is to spend some quality time with each other, relax and enjoy just being together. The sooner the agendas and uptight micro-managing can be set aside, the sooner the real vacation can begin.
11. Bonus – Unexpected smiles still happen. no matter how old you are, Winnie the Pooh, Goofy, Minnie Mouse or any other smiling character from your childhood can still make you smile in the middle of a gray day if you only stop to notice them.

Our first vacation was 7 days in Orlando visiting Disney World and hanging out at the pool. The first day was bliss. Days 2-4 were rough, but I think we all learned a lot, me especially. Days 5-7 were fantastic. So all in all I think it was a successful trip. We need to go on vacation together more often… really we just need to stop and enjoy each other more often.

One of the most enjoyable discoveries about myself during this trip was realizing how sentimental I really am. I tend to be more of a task master most days. I want things done a certain way in a certain amount of time and I want them done right the first time. I found myself watching my kids experience things for the first time or enjoying a moment and I had to hold tears back. I caught myself off guard feeling this way. I want to cherish more moments like this more often. At first I thought I was being a sap, but then I realized that no, this is what parenting is supposed to feel like… this is the happy side of parenting (as opposed to my usual drill sargent/hall monitor/detention supervisor mentality). I liked it.

Really I just need to learn to relax more every day, stress less, micro-manage far less and do like I tell everyone else… remember to stop and breathe.

10 things I learned while vacationing with my family is a post from: 100 Directions

I wrote this poem in 2005 as a thought of thanks towards those that help shape who we are…

When I was young
Barely able to stand
You reached out to me
Taking hold of my hand

You encouraged with love
And disciplined at length
You taught me understanding
You guided with strength

I learned to appreciate
And I learned to share
I learned to be honest
And I learned to care.

Years passed on
And I began my life’s travels
I went my own way
To fight my own battles

At times we didn’t always
see eye to eye
Yet you watched and you waited
As I reached for the sky

You cheered
And you rallied
Sometimes jumping with glee
You were excited
And proud
And scared for me

But, you never left me alone
As alone often is
The easiest way
To let one live

You stayed quietly there
As ones who love us do
You patiently waited
Letting me to come to you.

As long as I was sure
You were there for me when
I needed you most,
I needed a friend

I was able to make it
To struggle through
I was able to cope
As you hoped would be true

I knew you would be there
To once again hold my hand
Letting me grow my own way
As I learned how to stand

Then one morning I felt it
And I hoped you could see
The person I’ve become
Began with your loving me.

Thank you

Originally published on Lil’ Goodies

The person I've become is a post from: 100 Directions

I don’t park in my garage because I drive a beastly vehicle and I don’t like the idea of the kids swinging the doors open and possibly dinging the paint on whatever is next to the car. So I park in front of the garage.

We have an 8 foot tall basketball hoop out on the driveway which is not attached to anything because the HOA doesn’t want everyone hanging hoops on their houses. So instead we all have enormous basketball hoops on poles sitting in front of our houses… the idea is that we can put them away i the garage – we never do. So I end up parking right nextto the thing. No We don’t have a pink flamingo in the yard too.. that’s also against HOA guidelines.

Unfortunate for my pretty copper paint job, today Mother Nature and her cow hurling wind decided my car and the basketball hoop needed to make out for a while.

This is the result…

And this…

This is the hoop… now inside of the garage. Why we have it, I don’t know, my kids don’t want to play.

I still don’t want to park in there, but I guess it doesn’t matter as much now does it…

Now I want a new car.. any suggestions?

Got a bandaid? Mother nature smacked me today is a post from: 100 Directions